Green Flags and Red Flags in Early Dating: What to Look For

The first weeks of getting to know someone are full of signals. Some are reassuring, some are worth a second look, and most are simply a person being themselves. Learning to read them calmly protects your time and your heart, without turning every date into an interrogation.

This guide draws on decades of relationship research and on official safety guidance. It is not a checklist to score a person against. It is a way to notice patterns, because patterns, not single moments, are what tell you the most.

Green flag: they turn toward you

Psychologist John Gottman describes a "bid" as "any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection." A bid can be as small as sharing a funny photo or saying "look at that sunset."

In his research with newlyweds, the way partners answered these small moments mattered a great deal. According to the Gottman Institute, couples who were still married six years later had turned toward each other's bids 86% of the time. Couples who divorced had done so only 33% of the time.

Early on, notice whether the person responds to your small bids with interest. Do they ask a follow-up question, remember what you told them last week, and reply in a way that shows they were listening? That everyday attentiveness is one of the most reliable green flags there is.

Green flag: you can say no and it is fine

A respectful person accepts a "no" without sulking, pressure or punishment. Australia's online safety regulator, eSafety, puts it simply: in a respectful relationship you can say no without your partner getting angry, and you both can revisit boundaries as trust grows.

Try small, ordinary boundaries early: a time you need to leave, a topic you are not ready to discuss, a plan you would rather change. How someone responds to a small no tells you a great deal about how they will respond to a big one.

Green flag: disagreements stay respectful

Every couple disagrees. What matters is how. Gottman's research found that contempt (mockery, eye-rolling, treating a partner as beneath you) is one of the strongest warning signs in a relationship, while gentle complaints, repair attempts and taking responsibility are signs of a healthy pattern. We cover this in detail in our article on how couples handle disagreement.

In early dating you rarely see a real argument, but you do see smaller moments: a late reply, a change of plan, a misunderstanding. Look for someone who can say "I see why that bothered you" without defensiveness.

Red flag: too much, too fast

Intense attention can feel wonderful. But eSafety describes "love bombing" as showering a new partner with excessive compliments, gifts or messages early on, sometimes to build a fast emotional bond that is later exploited. As eSafety notes, controlling behaviours "sometimes look like they're just enthusiastic or over-the-top signs of affection."

Warmth on its own is not a red flag. What matters is the pattern: pressure to commit very quickly, anger or sulking when you slow things down, or swings between affection and coldness that leave you anxious.

Red flag: monitoring and control

eSafety lists warning signs that often appear together:

demanding to know where you are and who you are with, and expecting instant replies;
contacting your friends or family to check on you, tracking your location, or asking for your device passcodes;
making you doubt your own memory or judgement;
pressure to share intimate images as "proof" of love.

Any one of these deserves attention. Together, they form what eSafety calls coercive control. In its words, "It isn't love. It's control."

Red flag: stories that do not add up

Online dating brings its own risks. Be careful with anyone who will not meet in person or on a video call after a reasonable time, who asks for money, or whose story keeps changing. At Love-Ready Society, every member verifies their email and has their photo checked by hand before being introduced, members can earn a verified badge with a selfie check, and our safety page explains how to report anything that worries you.

How to use this calmly

Look for patterns, not single moments. Everyone has an off day.
Trust how you feel afterwards. Feeling relaxed and respected is information. So is feeling anxious, guilty or watched.
Talk to someone you trust. An outside view often makes a pattern clearer.
Get help if you feel unsafe. In Dubai, the Dubai Foundation for Women and Children runs a helpline on 800111, available around the clock for all residents of Dubai. In an emergency in the UAE, call the police on 999.

Where Love-Ready fits

We introduce people on the basis of values, character and the way they love, and we ask how each member handles disagreement. No questionnaire can promise a good partner, but starting with shared values and calm communication gives a relationship a healthier first chapter. If that is what you are looking for, join Love-Ready Society, or try our free love menu quiz first.

Sources

Join the Society